Now don't get me wrong. I love God. I still consider myself a Christian. I still think I am learning valuable things this year. I just...am struggling more to keep in a personal relationship...to find time to really build on my faith. I've been trying to do a devotional this year called Becoming a Young Woman of Influence, but I just haven't really been pursuing it that much. I don't have a Bible study anymore, I skipped church last weekend because I was tired, and today I went to my first chapel in the last 3 weeks...which is embarrassing considering there are 4 chapel options every week. I'll admit it. I'm not really pursuing God. So I suppose it's no wonder I'm not growing spiritually.
Today, however, I began to see a small transition. I went to chapel for the first time, partly because my roommate was playing drums and I wanted to support her, and partly because I needed to start getting my credits for chapel (we are required to have 20 a semester). My intentions were hardly focused on God. They were solely human.
The speaker today was a Filipino woman named Lisa Chinn. She was inspirational in her teaching on the Samaritan woman at the well and the disciples asking Jesus if he needed food. Her whole topic was on how God is like a different culture and sometimes it is hard to understand Him and the ways He works. She also talked about how Jesus was sustained by doing the will of God and how we should do that too. “My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work. John 4: 34.
Lisa Chinn
I will say she was inspiring and funny and a good speaker. She kept me awake unlike some of the speakers, but interestingly it was not her that truly started to awaken me. It was the worship.
I felt it starting last night in my worship class. We're playing this beautiful song called Christ is Risen, and when I sing it I feel something awaken in me. Indeed in the lyrics it says "come awake, come awake". I get this warm feeling in my stomach when I hear those lines. Like God is stirring in me, telling me to open up to Him again, return back to the life I admittedly loved more than the one I'm living right now.
Christ is Risen- Matt Maher
Let no one caught in sin remain
Inside the lie of inward shame
But fix our eyes upon the cross
And run to Him who showed great love
And bled for us
Freely You've bled for us
Christ is risen from the dead
Trampling over death by death
Come awake, come awake
Come and rise up from the grave
Christ is risen from the dead
We are one with Him again
Come awake, come awake
Come and rise up from the grave
Beneath the weight of all our sin
You bowed to none but heaven's will
No scheme of hell, no scoffer's crown
No burden great can hold You down
In strength You reign
Forever let Your church proclaim
O death, where is your sting?
O hell, where is your victory?
O church, come stand in the light
The glory of God has defeated the night
O death, where is your sting?
O hell, where is your victory?
O church, come stand in the light
Our God is not dead
He's alive! He's alive!
However, the process was a slow one. I found a quote I rather liked on the subject, and it is very true.
“Father in Heaven! When the thought of thee wakes in our hearts, let it not awaken like a frightened bird that flies about in dismay, but like a child waking from its sleep with a heavenly smile.” Soren Kierkegaard.
God has been waking me gradually. I didn't awaken panicked, although I admit as I've been becoming more and more aware of how much I've left behind I am slightly upset by it, but still...my awakening has in no ways been unpleasant.
The process continued in chapel with our worship songs. One of the songs was my old favorite How Great is Our God. If you haven't read my blog post on it you really should. The other was In Christ Alone.
In Christ Alone
In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand
In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live
There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ
No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand
All I can say is that something in all three of these songs really touched me. I think God really put great power in music. I always find it's one of those things that truly draws me closer to God. I find it comparable to being out in the wilderness, which I must say is one of the places I feel most in tune and connected with God. Some day when I have time I'll do a blog post all about places I feel closest to God. Music is beautiful and amazing and it is one of God's most marvelous creations. I think I sometimes do understand why David played his harp and sang so often. I think he like I found true joy in worshiping God through music, in proclaiming his love in something more than just words, more than just actions.
Psalm 27:6
Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the LORD.
Psalm 33:2
Praise the LORD with the harp; make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre.
Psalm 57:7
My heart, O God, is steadfast, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music.
Psalm 92:1
A psalm. A song. For the Sabbath day. It is good to praise the LORD and make music to your name, O Most High
Psalm 95:2
Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song.
Psalm 98:4
Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth, burst into jubilant song with music
Psalm 98:5
make music to the LORD with the harp, with the harp and the sound of singing
Psalm 108:1
A song. A psalm of David. My heart, O God, is steadfast; I will sing and make music with all my soul.
Psalm 144:9
I will sing a new song to you, my God; on the ten-stringed lyre I will make music to you
Psalm 147:7
Sing to the LORD with grateful praise; make music to our God on the harp.
Psalm 149:3
Let them praise his name with dancing and make music to him with timbrel and harp.
Ephesians 5:19
speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord
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