Image

What do you see when you look in the mirror? Do you see an average person? Do you see a big zit on your nose? Do you see nothing worthwhile?

Image is one of those things that is extremely important in our society. Magazines, videos, advertisements and television all add to this idea that image is extremely important. Looking at the statistics:

In 2007 the figures for what the average household spent on apparel were:
Apparel, men and boys = $435
Apparel, women and girls = $749
Apparel, children under 2 = $93
Footwear= $327

Added up thats $1,604 per year. The average household has 2.5 people so this comes to $641 per person on average spent on shoes and clothing.
The report, Beauty at any Cost, noted U.S. women spent some $7 billion a year, or an average of about $100 each, on cosmetics and beauty products.



Why do people spend so much on clothing and cosmetics? Because they want to look their best, because they think that beauty is important. And no doubt beauty is a good thing. God is beautiful and has created many things that are beautiful, but for that reason people should learn to be a little bit more content with how they look.

Genesis 1:26
Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”
If God is beautiful and good then surely we are beautiful and good for we are made in His image.

At the moment I have a washer tied around my wrist. It is supposed to be like a coin. Last night at worship we talked about the parable of the lost coin. The coin had value not only because it was a coin but because it was stamped with the image of Caesar. The face of the person in charge of the country gave worth to the money. Similarly as we are stamped with the image of God we have worth and value and we are beautiful no matter what the mirror seems to say in the morning.



Furthermore even if we aren't beautiful by the worlds standards we can be beautiful by God's. Part of what God considers beauty and why He is so gorgeous is because He is loving and kind. He is beautiful inside and out. So can we be too.

When I was little I'd always dress up and try to look pretty. My dad would always tell me "It is more important to be beautiful on the inside than to be beautiful on the outside." That line has stuck with me through my life. I don't wear makeup all the time. I don't spend lots of money on clothes. I rather try to focus my time on working on perfecting myself to be more like Christ each and every day. I am not saying I am perfect, I am merely saying that I aspire to be more beautiful as a person and a friend through my kindness than through what I wear or how I do my hair.

Over my mirror I have hung a verse which has greatly inspired me. I encourage every girl to keep this on her mirror as a reminder each and every morning.

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." 1st Peter 3:3-4

It's the same line my dad told me as a little girl, just a little more complex. Each and everyday God has tried to impress this verse upon me, reminding me as I scowl in disappointment at my own image that my beauty is defined by Him. His image is my image, and He is working on perfecting me into a true beauty each and every day.

Friendship

I have been blessed enough to be sent off to a wonderful Christian college for my freshman year. I am delighted and thankful to be here, but there have been some hard things about it.

To start with it has been hard to leave behind all of my wonderful friends. Several are on the East Coast. One in California. One in Germany. And several more back in Boise. I miss them all terribly. I spent three years building up my friendships, and many of them had hit a high point by senior year. We truly were developing into close companions.



But now everything has changed. I'm sure some of my friends don't even miss me. Others of course are too busy to be thinking of me. And overall I am terrified of the bonds between us disappearing. Furthermore as I enter into a completely new environment I'm struggling to enter into new relationships. For any fellow schoolmates reading this, I am delighted to be getting to know you and hope that we can eventually develop lasting friendships, but for the moment it has simply been hard having to start all over again.

Today as I sat thinking about that and pondering how this is all going to pan out in the end, I opened a devotional that completely changed my perspective.



I have had several friendship problems in previous years, but throughout it all I'd always clung to the fact that God was my friend and my companion who never left my side. The loyalest of all friends. However, somehow that thought had escaped me once I formed some strong friendships. Now, again I received that reminder through a devotional talking about God's love.

God never leaves us. Below I have posted the devotional. I hope it may mean something to anyone who knows what it is to be alone and doubtful and afraid of what is to come. As a college student I feel all three of those define me very nicely. And that is why this was so impactful to me.

The Place of Rest by David Roper

With (God’s) left hand he governs the world through the ordinances of the world. And now he has suddenly removed his left hand, and we are committed with an unparalleled immediacy and exclusiveness to God’s right hand. Now we have to reach out for this right hand of God and let it be the pillow on which we rest, the watcher at our bed, the guide on our dark and uncertain path, and our staff in the valley of the shadow.

-Martin Luther

Warm Up: - Exodus 33:1-16

Moses was leaving the slopes of Horeb and venturing into uncharted territory, moving from the known to the unknown. He had no idea what he would encounter in the wilderness. He only knew that a vast, untracked, and terrible desert lay ahead, inhabited by militant and merciless foes. The future seemed dark and foreboding- as do our days of uncertainty. “What was, may be less dark than what is to be, “ Tolkiens’ wise Gandalf said to the hobbit Frodo. 

Furthermore, God had distanced Himself from His people. His tent had been moved “outside the camp some distance away.” Are there not days that we wonder if God has written us off in our sin?

Then there was Moses’ loneliness. Thought he lived among millions, Moses had no equals, no spiritual peers, no counselor wiser than he, no one to whom he could unburden his heart and be understood. He bore alone, on his shoulders, the burden of his people, like Atlas carrying the world. 

In these circumstances God gave Moses this bold assurance: “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest” (Exodus 33:14). 

Note well the place where that assurance was given: in the tent that Moses pitched for God outside the cam, the “tent of meeting.”  This is the place where “the LORD would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend” (Exodus 33:11).  Here Moses found counsel for the peril of his day. Here an amazing dialogue took place.

Moses reminded God of past assurances: “You have said, ‘I know you by name and you have found favor with me.’” Thus his great heart was emboldened to ask for more. “If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you.” Or put another way: “Will you be my counselor and companion?” And God replied readily, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest” (Exodus 33:12-14).

The second person pronouns are singular. “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest (peace).” God did not promise, at least on this occasion, that He would accompany Israel on her journey or that she would reach her destination. Nor did He promise Moses that he would enjoy a carefree life of affluence and ease. He only promised to be with His servant and make Him a center of peace in the midst of the confusion and uncertainty of his day.

God will do the same for you. He does not promise that you will enjoy a tranquil, trouble-free existence or that you will be carried to heaven “in flowery beds of ease.” But He does utter the simple promise: “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”

God hath not promised skies always blue,

Flower-strewn pathways all our lives thro’;

God hath not promised sun without rain,

Joy without sorrow, peace without pain.

But God hath promised strength for the day,

Rest for the labor, light for the way,

Grace for the trials, help from above,

Unfailing sympathy, undying love.

God hath not promised, we shall not know

Toil and temptation, trouble and woe,

He hath not told us we shall not bear

Many a burden, many a care.

But God hath promised strength for the day,

Rest for the labor, light for the way,

Grace for the trials, help from above,

Unfailing sympathy, undying love.

God hath not promised smooth roads and wide,

Swift, easy travel, needing no guide;

Never a mountain, rocky and steep,

Never  a river turbid and deep.

But God hath promised strength for the day,

Rest for the labor, light for the way,

Grace for the trials, help from above,

Unfailing sympathy, undying love.

                -Annie Johnson Flint

To finish (yes this is me writing again), God is the only person in life who won't betray us and leave us. Not ever. He is perfect and loving. Also, another little reminder. God also understands our feelings when we are lonely or hurt or scared. Jesus went through life as a human being and He easily went through each of these places. After struggling through a painful friendship problem senior year I had a very profound revelation one day. As I stood crying as I walked home I thought of something. On my cellphone I typed out this little note:

I realized only today that Christ my Savior suffered suffered the same as I have. He was abandoned, ignored, and brutally betrayed by his disciples, his closest friends. He understands what this heartache is like and can relate to me every step of the way.

What I was referring to of course was at the crucifixion. Judus's betrayal, Peter's denial and the rest of the disciples turning and running. He was completely alone.

Remember that even in the tough times God is there. He does not abandon and He can understand what you are going through. He draws near and comforts us. Just look to Him when you feel alone or uncertain. His arms will be open, waiting to welcome you home.

Being a Barlow Girl

"No girl should feel she has to trade
Her body for love or be an old maid"- Barlow Girl by Superchick


 
Today as I got ready packing for college I listened to my Superchick CD. As I was listening I was amazed again and again by the complexity of the music. The songs hold such deep messages, but the one that struck the truest was "Barlow Girl".

We met these sisters Barlow's their last name
Ordinary girls they don't live in the fast lane
They don't rate with the guys that score
Cause they don't flaunt what the boys want more
They don't date, they won't date
They wanna see how they're gonna grow up
Who they're gonna be
But in the meantime they might feel unloved
When all the girls around them are hooking up
But I know for sure it's never popular to be pure
And while some guys might be passing them by
I think they've caught someone's eye..

(CHORUS)
All the boys in the band want a valentine from a Barlow Girl
Boys think they're the bomb
Cause they remind them of their mom

Everyone needs to be loved
Everyone needs their own teenage fan club
Any attention can feel like a good thing
Dress to impress can be oh so tempting
You can get noticed with your body
Sexual hypnosis by being hottie
You might feel like public property
You might you might, you shouldn't be
No girl should feel she has to trade
Her body for love or be an old maid
And yes there are guys who are willing to wait
Ask a Barlow girl on her wedding day

The message shared in this song is one that is not very common today. It speaks of being modest and pure. It emphasizes not focussing on looks and not being promiscuous. It highlights the idea of waiting til marriage to be intimate.

The words are so very different from much of what our society throws out. Hollywood is famed for its use of sex in movies, usually between an unmarried couple. But the truth is still out there, and occasionally you can snatch onto it.



What happened to the innocence and beauty of love? It has been destroyed by our world.
Where am I going with this? I'm simply shooting out a simple reminder about how love is meant to be in God's eyes. In the beginning of time: The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” - Genesis 2:18

God recognized in the beginning what a beautiful gift love could be. He gave Adam Eve as a gift and the two lived in a beautiful relationship of mutual trust and deep, unconditional love. The idea of that kind of love is very farfetched in our society. We have long since forgotten the way things used to be. We cannot even grasp the thought of this kind of relationship. The closest thing we have to this now is our relationship with God, because He at least loves us unconditionally, loving us with such a deep passion that He gave up His only son for our salvation.

I'm still not sure exactly where this is going. I suppose I was just struck by the reminder in the song. I don't hear that message very much. The books, movies, cds, and websites I see and use all often point the wrong direction. Perhaps God was simply trying to steer me back on course and remind me that love is meant to be shared between a man and a woman in marriage.

So for anyone reading this who is struggling today with your decision to remain chaste, just hold tight to God. He will get you through the temptations and the hard times. And in the end, He will provide the best relationship He can...either with another person (even though they won't be perfect) or with Himself (which will be perfect) for all eternity. In the meantime, keep close to God. He is the lover of our souls, and gave Himself on the cross for us. He is the bridegroom, and He is the only one who will love us perfectly and unconditionally. He is the only one who can help us stay free of sin.

Perseverance in Pain: When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough get Tougher

Last night my family and I had an outdoor movie night. We set up a projector and watched on the lawn. It was lots of fun. The family pick for the night...or rather my pick because I'm leaving for college in 3 days was Soul Surfer.



Talk about an amazingly inspirational story. The movie is all about Bethany Hamilton, a young surfer who lost her arm in a shark attack. Though there are many challenges in learning to live without an arm, Bethany does not let her loss hold her back. Through much hard work she successfully manages to continue surfing, eventually becoming a pro surfer.

To a girl who complains about slight joint pain the story was tear jerking, and was a good change to my perspective. I have lost nothing in comparison to Bethany. My joint pain is minor. I have not been crippled. I can still play violin and piano. I can still type out this blog with little problems. The movie made me rethink some of my previous doubts. God has been good to me.



Even though Bethany has many difficulties getting back into surfing, she doesn't let anything hold her back. She refuses to be treated differently from the other competitors, and always gets back onto the board, even after falling off.

I can easily recall days where playing the violin brought tears to my eyes. I would feel stabbing pains in my wrists, and could barely move my fingers because they felt so stiff and swollen. But even then I continued to play.

Some days it was especially hard. There are still days when doing things hurts. Just today I took a mile long run, and biked. The run brought out pain both from unworked muscles, and from my joints. The bicycle ride caused my knees to make terrible popping noises, and yet I didn't give up. Today on my run I could feel my lungs burning, unused to such hard work. As I ran I focused on my goal, watching the end of the block coming closer and closer. Just one more, I would think to myself.

As I was running today I began to think of the verse in Hebrews.

 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2

Even when things get hard we should fix our eyes on Jesus. He went through far more pain than having arthritis, or losing an arm. He went all the way to the cross. He didn't back down, even when it was painful or difficult. Jesus persevered, even though at any point He could have called down a host of angels and ended His suffering. When we go through pain...or hard times...or situations that we think we can't get out of, we must remember the love of Christ and His great strength in going to the cross. If He could survive all that, surely we can live through a little pain with Him by our side.
Therefore dear brothers and sisters, persevere in all circumstances. Do not lose hope. For with God, all things are possible.

As Bethany says at the end of the movie:

Life is a lot like surfing because if you get caught in the impact zone you've got to get back up because you never know what may be over the next wave.

When next you are struggling, look to Jesus. Remember that through the pain, He might have something marvelous in store for you. God works in mysterious ways. Often it is through our pain that we accomplish great things. For Bethany God allowed her to be an inspiration to thousands, including me. And though I am not yet sure what God has in store for me, I already know it will be marvelous. I'm just waiting to see what's on the other side of that wave.

Bravery

"Oh, I wish I was braver."

"If you were any braver, you'd be a lioness."

 

I recalled those words so vividly as I sat on the couch. Aslan talking to Lucy in Prince Caspian. It had all begun as a simple prayer for bravery. I'd sat with my computer, musing about my lack of courage. I was trying to motivate myself to give an injection necessary for my arthritis. All sense of bravery seemed to fail me. And so I thought to myself: "I wish I was braver."

I heard a whisper in  my mind, the line from the movie returning to me. I knew it was God's voice speaking, encouraging me to take the first step in giving myself the shot.

I felt so pathetic. I couldn't even muster up the strength to deal with a short jab of pain. Yes, the medicine felt like a wasp's sting, but even so I knew it was minor. There were people in the world who dealt with far worse on a regular basis.

But those words in my head gave me hope. I went and sat out in the sun for 30 minutes, stilling my anxieties and quieting myself. I kept my syringe under my shirt to help warm it up. I'd been told it was less painful if it was nice and warm.

I then iced my leg for fifteen minutes. By the time I was done it was red and I could barely feel my finger touching it.

I uncapped the syringe after washing my leg with an alcohol swab. I was nervous, but I managed to put the syringe down. I placed a rag in my mouth. I'd found this helped lessen the pain ever so slightly if I could clamp down on the rag with my teeth.  It felt pathetic, but I wasn't sure I could muster up the strength without that small bit of comfort.

I hesitated once, lifting the pen back up, but then slowly placed it back. I pushed the button and felt the medicine empty into my leg. It hurt terribly and I bit down on the rag. After ten seconds of holding it in place I at last released. Blood spurted from the small hole. It was done.

Thank you lord, for giving me bravery, I thought to myself. Thank you for calming my fears and allowing me to proceed on. Again a familiar thought came to me. I recalled a church conference several years before. We'd talked about queen Esther, a biblical character of great strength. In her story Esther is forced to risk her life to save her own people. She must go to her husband, the king, unannounced. In those days such an act of defiance was punishable by death. But even though Esther is afraid she continues on, going to see the king and begging him to see her so she can talk to him. Nowhere in the story does it say that Esther truly overcame her fears. In a movie version of the story One Night with the King Esther faints before she can even speak. Was she brave? Indeed she was, but how can that be if she never truly conquered her fears?

Another famous person once summarized it as:

 Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
Mark Twain

Indeed, to be brave we need not lose all fear. No...we should move on without letting our fears hold us back. Esther is a great example of bravery, as is Lucy. Both young females held out, even in the face of their fears. I can only hope that I will continue to gain bravery. Today I took one small step. I only hope that each day I can take slightly bigger ones. And slowly but surely I will gain bravery. And even if I don't, God is always there to support me in what I fear. All I have to do is call His name. Lucy had Aslan beside her when she fought, and so do I.

But even as I am today I know that God is proud of me. I can still hear him whisper in my ear, proud even of my small feat of strength.

"If you were any braver, you'd be a lioness."

Introduction- Living a Life of Christ in a World of Pain aka My Life with Arthritis

I stare at the orange medicine bottle sitting on the dinner table. My mom is reminding me. Med time.

I pick it up and slowly unscrew the top. Two tiny vials sit inside. I take out one, staring at the unnatural looking yellow liquid floating inside. Without hesitation I uncap the lid. I rub an alcohol swab along the top before doing the same to my right arm.

The next step is even less to my liking. I slowly pull the orange cap off the syringe and stare at the needle. I’ve seen longer, but even so I don’t like staring at the shiny tip too long.

I pull the other cap off the plunger and begin my descent. 10. 20. 30. 40. 50…I watch the little line until it hits 80. Bingo.

The syringe is full of air. I slowly insert it into the vial and push the air out. Once done I begin to fill the small compartment with yellow medication. 80. I hit it once again and take a deep breath. Slowly I lift the needle out of the vial. The hole releases a small spurt of yellow liquid. I shudder.

Carefully I raise my shirtsleeve. I’m standing before a mirror, but I know I can’t watch the needle. I push myself closer to the bathroom door so I can no longer see myself. I grip the needle in an expert fashion and slowly lower it to my skin. I search quietly for the right spot and miss. The needle slides in and I feel a small stab of pain. I must have hit a bad spot. It’s hard trying to inject left-handed.

Now that the needle is below my skin I push the plunger. I do so slowly. Pushing it in too fast is unpleasant. Even so the bad spot twinges as I let the medication into my bloodstream.

I feel the plunger hit the bottom. I am done. Carefully I withdraw the needle. I move back in front of the mirror, watching for bruising. A small bit of the medication has seeped out of the wound. I dab at it with a tissue.

I do not cry. I do not even wince at the pain. I have been doing this for too long to really notice.

Why am I injecting something into my body? Because unlike most people I have a chronic illness.

When most girls turn eighteen they get something special like a car or a cellphone or a laptop. I got something expensive for my eighteenth birthday. I got a diagnosis.

It had all started a year before with an unusual chest pain. I had noticed difficulty breathing throughout the day, feeling a dull ache on the left side of my torso. The pain worsened as time passed.

At the end of the day I could barely walk home. I ended up sitting in the grass practically crying. If not for a friend that had come along, I don’t know how I would have made it home. She called my mom and I got a ride. Noticing how bad the pain was my mom took me to a small clinic.

They were concerned when the heard the words chest pain and trouble breathing, but after a careful examination they told me I had pulled a muscle. It was probably from carrying all those heavy textbooks in my backpack. They told me to take some motrin and rest up a bit. I would heal with time.

The pain receded a little, but it never died away.

Come December my mom grew more concerned. She took me to our doctor. He made me go get a chest x-ray. The results came back on New Years Eve. I had pneumonia.

I went through a month of antibiotics before going in for another check. Nothing had changed. I switched medicines. A month later the results were still the same.

I was sent to a children’s disease specialist. Our appointment brought up another problem that I hadn’t noticed. I was having joint pain.

I had noticed the slight aches and pains since ninth grade. I distinctly remembered going bowling with friends and having to drop out because my hands hurt too much. I had assumed it was just from working them too much. I played volleyball, violin and piano. I also wrote in my spare time. I figured my fingers were exhausted.

All the same the specialist thought the pain in my joints might be linked to my chest. If antibodies were attacking the lining of my lungs, they were likely to attack my joints as well. He also assumed my acne medication was causing the problem. I was taken off that and put through a series of examinations, including about twelve blood tests. The disease specialist had decided I had menocyline induced Lupus. In otherwords, my acne meds were causing my antibodies trouble.

After a month of no acne meds and loads of new pimples I again went in for tests. The levels were higher than they were before I was off the acne medication.

Clearly this was not the problem. Unable to help me further the doctor sent me to a rheumatologist. By the time I got in to see him it was August. My pain had started in September.

After numerous x-rays and some blood tests (honestly I felt like all hemotologists were vampires during my many visits to the lab) he concluded what it was. Polyarticular Juvenile Idiopathic Arthritis. Multiple joints and my lungs were being affected by arthritis. I now had a chronic disease.

There are pros and cons to every situation. The pro of living in the 21^st century is that juvenile arthritis is recognized and can be treated effectively. If not for the treatment I would be eventually crippled. The con, however, is that almost all arthritis medications come in injectable form. I hate and fear shots…or rather I hated and feared shots.

So here I am…almost a year later. I am currently on 5 medications. Two are injectable and concentrate on my joint pain and keeping the antibodies in check. One is to ease the pain in my lungs. A fourth is to stop the depression one of my shots causes and the fifth is to stop the stomach problems same said medication has caused.

I am eighteen years old. I have a chronic illness. How could this happen to me?

I have asked this question again and again over the years. Though I have found no clear answers there are many possibilities that have helped ease my confused mind.

Many people reject God because of pain and suffering and evil in the world. I am here to tell a story of how pain and suffering and evil have all brought me closer to God, and have revealed all the more His ultimate goodness and love.

Some people would criticize all that I have written so far. My parents have sometimes complained that I am melodramatic about my disease, and that others go through far worse pain. It is true. There are girls my age who are dying of cancer. There are girls in the world who have horrible painful illnesses that I cannot imagine. There are girls who have diseases that are fatal and have no cure. In truth I have no right to complain. And yet we all bear pain to a certain extent, and this is mine to bear. And for that reason I write only to demonstrate how God has worked in my own diagnosis. I wish only to share His love and peace and strength to those who feel unloved and restless and weak. I wish to lift up my fellow people who have struggled with pain and illness, no matter how minor or small. I wish to show the picture of my God. A God who works for the best, even in pain.